Caring Deeply and Racing Boldly: A Look into the 'Too Cool to Care' Myth' and self-sabotage

In the age of social media, the running community has witnessed a peculiar phenomenon: individuals who, by all objective measures, have performed exceptionally well in races (or have underperformed) making public excuses—both before and after the event. It's a trend that leaves many puzzled, but I believe it's a topic worth exploring. In this post, we delve into the concept of "being too cool to care" as a protective mechanism and the act of self-sabotage within the context of racing. We'll also examine how caring deeply makes you vulnerable, and why it's essential to embrace this vulnerability in the pursuit of personal growth and excellence. Brad Stulberg, the author of "The Practice of Groundedness" and "Master of Change," offers insights that shed light on this fascinating paradox and have been books that I’ve drawn inspiration from.

The "Too Cool to Care" Phenomenon

Picture this: A runner, let's call her Sarah, has trained diligently for months leading up to a race. She's physically prepared, mentally focused, and ready to tackle her goal. Yet, as race day approaches, she takes to social media to share preemptive excuses—maybe the weather conditions aren't ideal, or she's been feeling a bit under the weather, or her training cycle hasn’t been “perfect” (whatever that means) or she’s nursing a minor rolled ankled etc.

Fast forward to post-race, where Sarah has crossed the finish line with an impressive time, even surpassing her own expectations. However, she downplays her achievement with post-race excuses—perhaps mentioning a minor discomfort or external factors that hindered her performance.

OR the race hasn’t gone her way, and during the race, she could sense it wasn't her day but she has already given herself a way out ahead of time with her pre-planned excuses, maybe she got a DNF or found herself struggling to finish or make the finishing position that she was after. The pre-planned excuses make the act of self-sabotage easier and it protects her ego a bit from a disappointing result.

Unmasking the Self-Sabotage

The "too cool to care" syndrome, as it's often referred to, may stem from a fear of vulnerability. When we care deeply about something, be it a race or any pursuit, we expose ourselves to the possibility of failure or criticism. To protect our ego, we preemptively lower our expectations or create a nice comfy excuse cushion ahead of time.

This self-sabotage can have several underlying causes:

• Imposter Syndrome: Even high-achieving individuals may harbor feelings of inadequacy or the belief that they don't deserve their success.

• Fear of Judgment: Sharing your ambitious goals on social media opens you up to scrutiny, and making excuses can serve as a defense mechanism.

• Minimizing Expectations: Lowering expectations can provide a safety net—failing to meet a low bar feels less damaging than missing a high one.

Caring Deeply Makes You Vulnerable

Brad Stulberg's work on groundedness and personal growth suggests that caring deeply about something is, in fact, an act of vulnerability. When you truly care, you invest not only your effort but your emotions and maybe even a part of your identity, and this opens you up to the risk of disappointment. It's this very vulnerability that gives meaning to our pursuits.

Imagine a world where every runner, instead of adopting a nonchalant attitude, openly shared their ambitions and celebrated their achievements without reservation. It would be a world where caring deeply about our goals would be the norm, not the exception. We would have a chance to see the real versions of people, a more brave and courageous version and I for one believe that to be far more inspiring, relatable and human than the alternative.

Embracing Vulnerability

To overcome the "too cool to care" syndrome, we must embrace vulnerability as an essential part of the journey. Here's how:

• Set Authentic Goals: Set goals that resonate with your true desires, not what you think others expect from you.

• Share Your Aspirations (if you want): Don't be afraid to announce your goals publicly. Share your journey and inspire others along the way. Do this authentically though without the excuse cushion as a backup.

• Celebrate Unapologetically: When you achieve a milestone, celebrate it with pride and enthusiasm, regardless of what others might think. There’s nothing wrong with being proud of your achievements and celebrating them.

• Accept Imperfections: Recognize that setbacks and challenges are part of the process. Embrace them as opportunities for learning and growth.

In conclusion, the paradox of making public excuses in racing, even when you've excelled, often stems from a fear of vulnerability. However, embracing vulnerability is an essential step towards personal growth and authenticity. As Brad Stulberg's work suggests, caring deeply about your pursuits is a powerful and transformative act. So, don't be the person who is "too cool to care." Instead, be brave enough to care deeply about something, and watch how it transforms your journey to excellence.