Self-Examination and running the Marathon

On Sunday, 18 June I ran the Estes Park Marathon. Among other things it was beautiful. Starting high up on Highway 7 in between the snow-capped peaks just before sunrise with a cold chill in the air, your skin tingles as each passing breeze brings with it some extra fresh mountain air. But this post isn’t about the scenery or the route, you can reach out to me if you’d like to find out just how spectacular it was. Rather this post is about the self-reflection and examination that takes place upon completing a really hard thing, in this case, the marathon.

I’m sitting on the grass on the inside of the Estes Park High School athletic track. It’s about 8:15 am in the morning and I have just finished the Estes Park Marathon. My legs hurt, particularly my quads from the fairly significant downhill section that was the first 10km of the race. Unbeknownst to me at this stage, I’m missing two toenails, and my body aches. My heart, however, is full. Full of gratitude and full of peace. My mind is crystal clear. The kind of clarity that one wishes to carry around with them every moment of every day. And then, I begin to quietly weep. Not because I’m in pain and not because I’m sad. I am in fact blissfully happy. I have once again been humbled by the marathon.

Running a marathon is hard, I don’t care who you are or how fit you are. Throw in a nice dose of altitude on top of the distance and you have a challenge with some extra spice.

No, I wept because I had managed to work through some serious discomfort in this race. The most discomfort I have had to work through in a race for quite some time. It was, once again, a sense of accomplishment that I felt. The idea of doing real, hard things in this world that so often invites us to just be comfortable and not dig a little bit below the surface to see what hidden potential lurks there.

When you cross the finish line, regardless of your time, there is a feeling of satisfaction that nobody can take away from you, ever. You sit there at the finish and everything hurts but in some strange way, you learn to enjoy this feeling. You let it wash over you and bathe in it for a few precious moments because as quickly as the intensity of this feeling rises, it fades even faster.

It’s in these moments that one can experience a profound sense of pure bliss and clarity of thought. Because the marathon humbles you. It strips away any facade that you might be hiding behind and leaves you to face yourself - truly. It’s only when you cross the finish line that you get this amazing opportunity to see yourself in your most honest form. You get to see and experience your own character as your mind flickers back and forth to different moments in the race like a kaleidoscope of mental images. In my case, you also get to practice self-compassion instead of beating yourself up en route because you haven’t hit the splits that you wanted to or had hoped to. You have this rare opportunity to get a glimpse at your core being as a human.

Now people may say that there are other ways to do this and they may well be right. But I’d argue that running is one of the purest and simplest ways to open yourself up to this experience. Don’t get me wrong here - I’m by no means saying go and run a distance that you’re not prepared for and physically and emotionally harm yourself. That’s counterproductive and is not the message here at all. It’s learning and reminding oneself that by doing the work, day in and day out you give yourself the opportunity to do or achieve something special for yourself.

For me, running continues to be a journey of self-discovery. It continues to be one of my greatest teachers. It continues to humble me and keep me grounded.

You don’t have to go out and run a marathon to experience this. I believe that this experience and journey of self-discovery is accessible to everyone who has the ability to run. Whether it be 5K or 100 miles, the journey of self-discovery is out there, waiting for you if you’re willing to be in it for the long run.